Shame

Admitting your fear
is the only step to take
to get closer to reality
but i am ashamed

i dont know who i am anymore
or why i have no voice
my passions burn hot.....
hard, fast, throbbing urges
to create and be created
to mold and be the yielding
clay beneath someones hands

i ache and i yearn
to be set free
but what would i do with freedom
i would hide it away
like all the other gifts i possess

i am afraid of the person ive become
people dont understand me now
i want to speak my mind
but they refuse to listen

some great man once said
that conforming is comfortable
and now, sitting in a room full of my peers
(more like a room of judges)
i am as uncomfortable as a woman can be
i dont know what to do with my hands
to my lap, to my desk, look at my ragged nails
look back at the group, to my lap again

these are the acts of shame
and i know they all know
my judges in their robes
of varying length and style
i laugh to myself to think
that i am so much like them
on the outside

Hmph, outside... now there's an interesting choice of words
- - - that is where i sit in our little talks
on the outside
and i fidget and i worry
and i carefully plot each word
that stumbles from my lips

i feel like i am no longer in control
of my own body
i am ashamed of myself
because i am different
i dont know every word that
was supposedly written in
the Book that they all love
i dont know why my ignorance
is such a bad thing
They dont know about my Love
They dont want to know
if they ignore Her then She will go away
i am ashamed for what i believe
and if they ignore me i might just go away too

AH HA! but its no that simple
i am the Love; She is me
and We shall not be ashamed
like a failed magick trick
I shall not fade away
each day I will shine with the light of my Goddess
burning within me

and even though i sit on the outside
even though i fidget with my hands
even though they think their Book is better
I will not yield to them
they shall NOT mold me
they shall NOT create me
for I am my own perfection
I am the reflection of a pure and honest Love

I am a force of nature to be savored and avoided
my shame shall be like a sleeping volcano
trembling and changing all the earth around my base
when they least expect it
I shall erupt victoriously and proclaim myself
to all that She has created

I will not die on the outside in silence
but I will make myself
the inside of my own world
and then by the grace of All that is Good
They will be ashamed